Okay, I have to admit it, I’m a bit of a clothes horse. I’m not over the top, I don’t know designers’ names, but I have always liked going shopping and trying things on. Sometimes my closet gets a bit full, but I try to recycle as much as possible. This is not a problem at the moment, in fact my closet is quite sparse. This can be attributed to one thing…I turned fifty last year.
Turning fifty is not, in and of itself, a losing proposition when it comes to dressing. But unfortunately I have had a couple of added bonuses…well make that 15 to 20 of them. Due to my brain fog (mentioned in a recent post) I am currently on a medication that changes my metabolism. I eat the same amount, but it seems to stay on my body, specifically my hips and legs, in an unpleasant bunch of lumps and bumps. My stomach is not immune to this expansion, in fact the only part of my body that I am thrilled to see increase is my bust. After years of low self-esteem because of my chest size, I am able to walk proudly (okay, I admit, there is a little padding there, but everybody does it these days).
I always thought that when I gained weight, I would do it gracefully and elegantly. Alas, another myth is stolen from me in the prime of my life. It doesn’t help that today’s fashions are designed for the tall, smooth skinned and bubble-butt-free youth. Perhaps they always were but I didn’t notice, having been previously blessed with the metabolism of a hummingbird. While I didn’t fit into everything, certain fashions looked pretty good on me.
Now? Not so much. I can’t get pencil skirts over my thighs. Tight fabrics show things that I would rather hide. I was never into frills, lace or beads on my clothing. I think pedal pushers (or capris as they call them today) look stupid on me. Skinny jeans? Forget about it. I am trying to believe that the problem lies not with my bodily metamorphosis but with the designers and manufacturers who have no earthly idea what a woman’s body actually looks like (and don’t get me started on bras.)
So why am I ranting right at the moment? It’s because in 10 days or so I am off to Barcelona where I will be going to a wedding. Traveling always increases my anxieties which come out in my fear that I can’t possibly wear what I have in my closet, because I won’t look right. Europeans have such flair when it comes to clothes. People in Carroll County, MD don’t. My closest shopping choices are Kohl’s and Wal-Mart (ugh). Fortunately, I don’t need haute couture much in my life. Most of the time I can be found in my studio welding or outside gardening. However, it’s not appropriate to wear steel toe boots and work jeans to a wedding in a foreign country. Well, it may be for some people but I can’t bring myself to do that. Besides, the boots are way too heavy.
Last night I spent some time in my closet pulling out all my dresses that seemed so cute and cool at the beginning of the season but had to reject most of them as too short, too wild or making me feel too dumpy. I am drawn to polka dots and bright colors. Black is prominent, but mostly in my winter clothes. I managed to find a couple of skirts that would work but am finding that I am short on shirts that go well with them. I don’t want to wear shorts, evidently that is gauche and makes you truly look like a tourist, which I will be but I don’t want to let anyone know that. I have a dress for the wedding that will work, although it’s not, well, perfect. I have never reached perfection when buying traveling clothes.
I guess my goal is to stick with who I really am and wear what is comfortable and makes me feel good about myself. I would like to get to a place where I am okay wearing clothes that continue the concept of art that I strive for daily. This can be a simple thing, a ring that I picked up on Bonaire, a scarf that I got in Kohl’s of all places, a pair of shoes…aaaack! Now I have to think about shoes!!!