The current political issues (dare I say crisis?) has put me in a quandary. I am not a naturally rebellious person. I don’t go looking for a cause to fight and I don’t often feel that my views are the only correct ones. I shun proselytizing and I usually honor all sides of an argument. Very rarely would I ever tell someone that they are wrong if they don’t feel or think the way I do. I am not one to join a group. And I am definitely one for keeping my opinions close to the vest…both political ones and religious ones. My goal is to not be judged by my beliefs and not to judge others for theirs.


This is all being put to the test with the rise of the latest president.

Lately my days and nights have been spent having debates in my head, trying to see all sides of the issue and, quite frankly, I am exhausted. It’s time to stand my ground as to how I feel and, if necessary, fight for my beliefs. Believe me, I don’t want to do this. It is easier to agree with everyone around me, even if they don’t agree with each other. But enough is enough.

Here’s what I believe.

The president has an undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I’ve known it for a long time but it really blew me away when Trump needed to find a way to say that the numbers attending his inauguration were not only greater than Obama’s but the greatest EVER. How insecure do you have to be to become president and still want to have the MOST people at your inauguration. To the point where he asked for different pictures that show more people. It is this personality disorder that is causing him to declare voter fraud, even though he has already won the election and is actually president. In a way, I feel sorry for him (if I separate the man from the whole situation)…it must be pure hell to have such low self-esteem and high insecurity. No matter what he does or how many people love him, deep down he will NEVER feel like he is good enough.

That being said…it is not my job to fix him. Or to love him. Or to love anything he does. Because everything he does is not based on any political or moral ideals. They are simply based on his need for power and acceptance. Being president isn’t enough, he needs to stop the press from saying bad things about him and the park service from showing bad pictures and…

(I found the following post very helpful when writing this. https://medium.com/@nziehl/coping-with-chaos-in-the-white-house-697fa2ca3ddf#.jx4tq56du)

As for the people who voted for him and continue to support him…well, I really have no idea why. They have their reasons I am sure. I often think about what it would be like if he were the way he is but pushing a liberal agenda. Would I be more inclined to excuse his behavior and his narcissism? I don’t know. Perhaps. But the fact is, he isn’t. He is pushing an agenda that is so polar opposite to everything I believe in that I can’t separate the disorder from the agenda.

My mother-in-law once called me a bleeding heart liberal. She did not consider it a compliment. I thought it was. I believe in treating people with respect, no matter their religion, sexual preference, monetary situation, political ideals, etc. I believe that the government (or someone’s religion) has absolutely no right to tell me what I can and can’t do with my body. I believe that all women should have access to free reproductive care. (Although the notion of free is worth another blog post). I believe that no man has the right to touch my body unless I say it is okay. I believe that “community” is defined not only as local or state but as federal. I believe that this country is an ever-evolving entity and that it is against the ideals of the founders to block entry to newcomers based on fear and paranoia. I believe that walls are ridiculous, that nature abhors them and that the only thing they are good at is to show how paranoid someone is. I believe that the earth is in crisis and humans are the main reason for it. I believe that religious freedom is the essence of our country. It means no one will be persecuted for their beliefs. I believe that freedom of speech is under attack and even though I don’t always agree with what everyone has to say, they have the right to say it.

All of this is currently being challenged by one person. And I am pissed. And feeling a little helpless. But I know I am not alone.

Okay, now it is time to finish up. How this all fits in with being an artist is another issue that has been running around in my head…but that will be for another post.

When my head starts swimming too much with thoughts and debates and challenges, I go to my regular stress reliever…the iPhone and a cat…when in doubt, find a pile of sweaters and take a nap.


9 thoughts on “quandary

  1. And Trump also said “That speech was a home run,” Trump told ABC News just a few minutes into his first major television interview since moving into the White House. “See what Fox said. They said it was one of the great speeches. They showed the people applauding and screaming. … I got a standing ovation. In fact, they said it was the biggest standing ovation since Peyton Manning had won the Super Bowl, and they said it was equal. I got a standing ovation. It lasted for a long period of time.” I found the article on coping with chaos in the White House very interesting. But more importantly, I think your post, your statement of beliefs, is brilliant. And you are definitely not alone. I go to bed every night wondering/worrying what Trump et al will come out with next. Could it get any worse, I ask myself? And each morning I wake and it’s worse. Most alarming for me, is that there are millions of people (and especially women) in the US (and outside) who believe that Trump and his gang are great and good. Does my head in. I need a nap, too.

    1. Thanks Gallivanta. There are and will be so many of these comments, it is the way he works. He will continue to pump himself up any chance he gets. I try to let go of what he says and get angry at what he does. Yes, there are huge amounts of people who are for him…and many people that voted for him and are now ignoring the whole situation or have no clue as to how dangerous this really is. I can imagine that you feel super helpless living in another country and watching it. Just know that there are huge amounts of people, good people, the best people, who are mobilizing against him.

  2. Sad time. Quickly going down a slippery slope. One of the bills he rescinded was one to stop horse abuse (soring) How can anyone have a problem with ending the abuse of an animal. I only hope his monarchy is a wake up call to the people in the country who value democracy.

  3. Hi, Virginia
    Like you I can see in him only the actions of someone who is so without belief in himself that his every action and word is intended to deny his self-doubts by rearranging the world as he sees it to conform with his lack of belief in himself. This is written Sunday morning when I awoke to news that 1) he had abruptly closed the borders to classes of people he didn’t like and 2) appointed his flack to outrank the constitutionally appointed officers in our most sensitive agencies. All this to create an artificial world around him to feed that insatiable ego.

    Unfortunately, I lived through an era when that was happening in Germany, while we in the US were being told by various self-appointed pundits that Hitler was no threat to us. Author Sinclair Lewis was so moved by this that he wrote “It Can’t Happen Here” to demonstrate how easily it could happen here. We survived, but it cost a hell of a lot of innocent lives. I can’t tell you how much I fear that it is happening here – and we’re only one week into the mess!

    1. I can feel your fear…and understand how you can make the connection between the two men. There are differences in the situations of course, but there is still definitely the potential for some very destructive events to happen. The good news is that you are not alone in your fears. There are many people who are working very hard already to make sure that our country does not fall victim to one irrational man. We also have much more psychological understanding and that also helps. There are so many different layers to what is happening but we will fight to make sure that one person’s insanity does not become the norm.

    1. It’s more complicated than worrying about someone else’s opinion. It has to do with not wanting to make a judgement until I have all the facts and have seen the issue from all angles. I would be terrible on a debate team as I have no confidence in backing up why I believe what I believe to be true. Because what I believe comes from a more emotional/intuitive place. I know that my friends will honor my opinions. that is why you are my friend…

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